Should I invite my dad to my wedding?

I was raised by my stepdad from the age of 3, I would like him to give me away. I speak to my real dad every 3 months or so. he is a drug addict, and has ruined every major event in my life including my son's christening. I know it would devastate him to not be there but he is extremely inappropriate in EVERY situation. My family are fighting me on this.
Should I invite my dad to my wedding?
I think that not being invited to his daughter's wedding is the consequence of his past behavior. You are perfectly well within your right to not invite him to your wedding.





That said...by not inviting him may interfere with your relationship with him and possibly relationships that you have with other family members as people choose sides and go the "but he's your faaaaatherrrrr" route. You have to weigh that result against having your dad create a scene at your wedding.





Is there any way that you can reasonably envision a successful action plan of set limitations ahead of time and having people effectively remove him from the premises if he shows up high/starts to do drugs or drink/gets belligerent? If you run through a series of scenarios and they all turn out badly, then you have a tough decision that you have to convey.





Be strong!
Reply:It's best for your step father to walk you down the aisle if you truly care for him and respect him more than your real father, which may sound terrible, but this is a decision that has to be made properly. Your son's christening isn't a picnic - it's a big deal. For him to ruin that is so disrespectful, he is a grown man and should know better. It is probably important for him to be there, but if you don't want him there at all (and don't fight yourself on this, be true) then just tell him why! Explain your purposes, you have back up and evidence. It's not like you just don't "feel like it", it's for a significant reason. Good luck!
Reply:I had planned on having both my stepdad and my dad walk me down the aisle. As it happened, my dad refused so my stepdad and my brother walked me down the aisle. My sister had our granddad and grandmom give her away at her wedding. Just remember that it is totally up to you and don't let anyone pressure you into doing anything that you don't want to do because regardless of what anyone else says, it's YOUR wedding!!!
Reply:My sister and i were raised by our step dad but my sister really wanted our dad to give her away (which i didn't because how can you give something away that was never yours). he didnt help raise us and he was abusive. She asked him anyways. He followed my mom the whole time and she was very un-easy. Every one was annoyed because he got drunk and talking bout how my mom was horrible to him. Im getting married next year and honestly my father will know nothing of it. my stepfather has been through everything and i feel he deserves the respect for raising me. And having your step-father give you away will be an honor for him.
Reply:It's your day, and it's your choice. This has nothing to do with anyone except you and your father, and possibly your fiance if you feel the need to give him say on the matter. You need to think what will make you happy. Do not invite him out of pity or obligation. If you WANT him there, then invite him. If not, then don't. You need to live your life for you, not for a drug addict whose feelings you don't want to hurt. I understand your dilemma, I really do, but don't be so self sacrificing. It's your big day. Do what you want! Well congratulations, and I hope your wedding goes well!!
Reply:oh my this is difficult. im sure you are such a smart lady who has had a rough life. so i think you should really think hard about this....and just maybe talk to him in advance and let him know of previous events and how bad he embarassed you and how disappointed you were, and how mad you will be if he ruins your wedding, and you wont be ashamed to kick him out, but make it a HUGE deal and even cry about how bad he hurt you and so that will cause him to take it very seriously. give him rules he cant break, and even mention that if he ruins it you will never ever talk to him again, just add a lot of previous events that made you miserable and that way he'll know exactly how you feel and how important this is and he will probably stay in line if you do that!! im so sorry about how he's hurt you and wish you all the besttttt!!!!! congrats on getting married!
Reply:i dont think you should invite him, no way. just because he is your father, doesnt mean that he has a right to ruin anything or make you feel uncomfortable - especially on this special day. i wouldnt be bringing him if i were you, we had issues with my fiance's parents, he doesnt talk to them because of his mother and we had no plans to ever invite them to our wedding, and were going to exclude them without a doubt (we're eloping instead though) if people have hurt you in the past then its best you live your life without them, choose those in your life who love care and support you. you are marrying your man to become his family, keeping those from your birth family in your life is merely a choice, only have those around you that help you grow, your life will improve, dont fall into the traps of 'he is your father', it means nothing when they dont understand the way it really is. my fiance has been such a better happier person since he hasnt had contact with his parents, sad, but thats the way it has to be sometimes. its the parents responsibility your relationship, not yours. be in peace and dont include him.
Reply:It is entirely your decision, but I would recommend talking to your father. Invite him to the wedding ultimately. He is your father. Addiction is a problem, it isn't something he wants. Im sure he doesn't mean to hurt you. Just have some people watch him. It's your day, so you shouldn't be stressed out, but I'm sure you should give your father a chance to prove himself and be there for you. Fathers and daughters just have that bond.
Reply:first may i wish you and your partner all the very best for the future together.secondly give your dad some ultimatums that you wish him to keep if he really cares for you he would listen to your requests if not invite him to the ceremony and video tape the rest for him or before wedding get him involved with some arrangements flower ordering or booking transport and maybe that chance will help him understand its your day after all and film the occasion for him , hope this helps and good luck again
Reply:Speak to your dad ahead of time %26amp; tell him how you feel. Take a deep breath %26amp; tell your dad that he can attend the wedding but if he acts up, he'll be escorted out the door. Choose someone to carry that task out if necessary. If you don't invite your dad, trust me, you may regret it someday. then it will be too late.
Reply:If it was me I would let my Stepfather walk me down the aisle as he has brought you up. Could you really trust your real Father to come to your Wedding "clean" I would think not so I for one would not entertain him at any cost, as he could ruin your big day. Enjoy the best day of your life without him... and every happiness to you both.
Reply:I think it would really be nice for him to be at your wedding. When you have a guest who might be a problem it is best to put another family member in charge of him to make sure he behaves. But to make him miss the biggest day of your life I would call that inappropriatwe.
Reply:If you are not that close to your dad I would not invite him, but I would call him and explain why. You need to be upfront with him. It's your wedding, so the decision has to be on you. Dont let your family push you to do something you dont want too.
Reply:Talk to your dad and tell him that if he wants to be there he has to promise to be clean. Warn him that he will be asked to leave if he acts inappropriately. Hopefully he will agree and everything will be fine. I would suggest walking down the aisle by yourself (or maybe with your mom) to minimize any drama.
Reply:I think you should invite him because after all he's your dad despite his inappropriateness. How exactly do you think he'll ruin your wedding? If he's really that bad, then maybe you shouldn't invite him hmm...it's a tough situation
Reply:Talking to him is a good idea, but you cant always depend on an addict to do what they say they will. So you need to be sure if you let him come.


Its your wedding and this should be done on your terms.
Reply:Your real father hasn't earned the right to be there. You said that he has ruined every event, so why do you feel he won't do the same at your wedding?
Reply:Maybe by not inviting him, he may see how much he's hurt you. My dad's not invited to my wedding.
Reply:its up to you.